Trowa, the olympic Athelete???
by A Clockwork Devotchka
Summary: This the commentary on the brand new olympic Sport.... SOLITAIRE!!! listen to him Compete for the Gold!! R&R Please!
1. Default Chapter

Day one of the 2002 Olympics.   
  
{A.C.D}: Hello Spectators here and in the countries where the olympics are not being held at this time. I am you commentator A Clockwork Devotchka, and today I will be bringing you the play-by-play action of the brand new olympic sport, Solitaire! Our first and only entry to this sport is Trowa Barton from Japan.   
  
[Trowa walks in stands in front of the table and does his opening stance, and falls over]  
  
{A.C.D:} Oh My! That was a very awkward looking stance Trowa just did. The "Flapping Crane" is a very difficult stance and with him falling like that will make him loose quite a few points with the judges.  
  
[Trowa gets up, brushes himself off and sits down at the table.]  
  
{A.C.D:} This is vegas style solitaire.. You get 3 times round the extra cards and that's it! Look at him! I think he is about to deal his hand.... Yes! YES! He is dealing his hand!!  
  
[Trowa deals out his hand. He sits for a minute staring at the cards.]  
  
{A.C.D:} Oh! That is a difficult hand! The cards are as follow: 5 of hearts.. 10 of clubs... 2 of Spades.... 7 of diamonds... 9 of clubs.... king of hearts.... and the 7 of spades!! This will be a hard one to beat. Trowa is not able to do ANYTHING so far.... oh wait! He is reaching for extra card pile!  
  
[Trowa flips over 3 cards.]  
  
{A.C.D:} Ooooo!! He just flipped over an ACE!! What is he going to do? Oh he did it!! He put the ace by itself! After removing the ace he uncovered a 9 of hearts! What a lucky break for Trowa. Trowa is now bringing it down and placing it on the 10 of clubs...... Wow!! With that move he just uncovered the 6 of spades! This may make or break his game. He pulls it down and places it on the 7 of diamonds!!  
  
[Trowa looks confused.]  
  
{A.C.D:} Now there is a move he can do right now!! But he doesn't seem to see it! Wait Wait!! I think he sees it! It seems he was just reaching for a glass of water!!  
  
[Trowa takes a sip of water and then places his glass back on the table. He sees the card and picks it up.]  
  
{A.C.D:} Yes!! He saw the 5 of hearts AND the king!! he moves them both into thier proper positions. And it seems as though unless he flips over another 3 cards his game is up! Yes! Yes! YES!! He is going for the three card flip with a twist!   
  
[Trowa drops one of the cards.]  
  
{A.C.D:} Ow!! That's gotta hurt! There will be at least a 2 poit penalty! And the 3 cards he just flipped are NOTHING!! He can do NOTHING with them!!! He'll just have to draw again!  
  
[Trowa flips over 3 more cards]  
  
{A.C.D:} If he does not get something soon, he will most definatly LOSE this game and shame his family for generations to come!!  
  
[Trowa pounds the table with his fists]  
  
{Trowa:} SHUT UP!! GOD DAMN YOU!! I WILL NOT PUT SHAME ON MY FAMILY'S NAME!! I CAN'T SHAME MY FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS TO COME!! I DON'T HAVE ANY FAMILY!!  
  
{A.C.D:} Oops.... ummm... BACK TO SOLITAIRE!! Trowa is reaching for the extra card pile again... He better hope to god this helps.... And It's bad.... Wait.. he's trying again! Once again it's no Good.... It seems as though Trowa has lost his luck... He keeps turning the cards... but each time he gets worse and worse.... Wait!! He has found a 6 of hearts!! He takes it and puts it on the 7 of spades... That is the end of round 1... And now a word from our sponsor.....  
  
*Insert commercial here*  
  
{A.C.D:} And were back with round 2 of the exciting world of competitive Solitaire! Trowa Barton of Japan is here with us.. he is the only competitor in this event... He started out strong in the first round but has now gone right downhill. Let's see what round 2 has in store for the Japanese competitor.  
  
[Trowa flips the first 3 cards... and then flips the cards the birdie]  
  
{A.C.D:} OoooOOOoooo!! Profanity will cost him some points with the judges... But this game in not going well for Trowa... Each Flip gives him worse and worse cards... And I can tell This game is all over!! It is the end of round 2 and he could not place a single card!! Unless he finds a loop hole somewhere this game is OVER! This is the end of round 2... And now a word from our sponsor....  
  
*Insert commercial here*  
  
[Trowa starts flipping cards frantically.]  
  
{Trowa:} WHY?? WHY DOES THIS GAME HATE ME SO MUCH???? I SWEAR I WILL BOMB THE OLYPICS FOR THIS!! I HATE YOU!! I WANT A MEDAL!! WHERE'S MY GOLD MEDAL!!  
  
[A security guard runs out and tries to contain Trowa. Trowa grabs ahold of the security guards neck. The Guard tries to communicate with me.]  
  
{A.C.D:} What??!! Ok... ok.. 4 words... ummm.. ok... 1st word... take! Have! Give!!  
  
[Guard nods frantically.]  
  
{A.C.D:} Ok... GIVE!!... uh huh... 2nd word.... what?? All you are doing is pointing at Trowa!! why are you pointing at him?? Him?? Thats the word?? ooooh.... kayy... 3rd word..... ok... little word!! at.. in... you... the.... The? THE!! Ok ok! Give him the..... ok!! 4th word ...... three parts!! umm... first part sounds like HEAD..... Bed.. Bled... Sped... Said! SAID!! 2nd part is a little word... umm at in a... A... ok 3rd part.... Sounds like GIVE..... Ok... Sed-a-give..... GIVE HIM THE SEDA-GIVE!! no... wait... Seda-TIVE!! GIVE HIM THE SEDATIVE!!!  
  
[I shoot an animal tranquilizer at Trowa. He falls over all passed out]  
  
{Guard:} SEDA- GIVE!?!?!?!?!?!?!   
  
{A.C.D:} Well That's all we have from the exciting sport of Solitaire...... uhhh... well.... The Japanese have lost this event... But they also have competitors in other events such as Bear Baiting, Fire Eating, Staring Contests and Mime!! That's all for now... The Triathalon is up next........   



	2. Quatre, an Olympic Athelete????

Day Two of the 2002 Olympics.  
  
{A.C.D:} Hello once again. I am A Clockwork Devotchka and I will be your commentator for today's event! Yesterday we had a very unhappy Japanese man by the name of Trowa Barton. So far the Japanese have not won any medals and if they keep this up they will never see the podium. The event today is "Bear Baiting". Today we have another brand new event where the only competitor is one from team Japan. This young man's name is Quatre Winner. Let's hope that his last name truly suggests what he is! His opening move is supposed to be a backflip split over stick... That's a really tough move.... I hope he can pull it off!  
  
[Quatre walks in to the ring, does the backflip-split-over-stick, perfectly. He then lifts the pointy stick in the air.]  
  
{A.C.D:} Lovely! Lovely! What a great begining to this event! Oh! They are bringing out the bear cage now! The bear Quatre has chosen to use today is a Kodiak bear! My! They are vicious!!   
  
[The bear growls at Quatre]  
  
{A.C.D:} Quatre is now doing his technical part of the routine. The First move is going to be a somersault-back-twist with a split! And it is done Beautifully! Oh... Look at that... He is starting to get the bear all pissed off!  
  
[Quatre starts making faces at the bear.]  
  
{A.C.D:} He is taking too long pissing the bear off... I know the judges will take off marks for that! Ok! He has started to poke the bear!! This will get interesting folks!  
  
[The bear starts swiping at Quatre]   
  
{A.C.D:} Quatre is doing a manuver called the "Bear dance". This is where he dances around the bear while it works itself into a frenzy making it more difficult to bait the bear. OH!! That does look dangerous.... Quatre is now poking the bear's nose!!  
  
[The bear lashes out and grabs the sleeve of Quatre's shirt. The bear sits down and eats the sleeve.]  
  
{A.C.D:} OUCH!! That will loose some points for that careless bit of baiting! After that round of baiting it looks like the Japanese MIGHT have a chance to see the podium after all! This is the end of round one.... And now a word from our sponsors....  
  
*Insert Commercial here*  
  
{A.C.D:} And we're back! Quatre is doing really well, if he keeps it up Team Japan will get at least get one medal! It will be a happy day for them if that does indeed happen! Back to the BAITING!! Quatre is going to be doing the most difficult move ever! It is the fabled chicken-milk-underscore! No one has ever, EVER succeeded in completing this move!   
  
[Quatre starts moving towards the angry bear. The bear swipes at his collar and misses]  
  
{A.C.D:} That was a close call for Winner..... Oh MY GOD!!! The bear has ahold of Quatre's Arm!! This bear does not want to let go!!!!  
  
{Quatre:} OH MY GOD!!!!! HELP ME!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! GET THIS THING OFF MY ARM!!!!! NOOOOOO!! NOT MY ARM!!! I USE THAT ALL THE TIME!!!  
  
[The bear rips off Quatre's arm. He sits down and quickly devours Quatre's arm]  
  
{Bear *Thinking*:} hmmm... not bad... a little stringy......  
  
{A.C.D:} OH GOD!! I really don't think the Japanese have a chance of seeing the podium with this athelete....... oh dear..... this looks bad..... this looks really bad! Oh... Time for a commercial..  
  
[You hear growling and screaming in the background.]  
  
{A.C.D:} This is the end of round two.....And now a word from our sponsors.....  
  
*Insert commercial here*  
  
{A.C.D:} We are back and Quatre is still kicking..... no really... he is actually kicking the bear!! oh... dear.... lord..... The bear has actually taken ahole of Quatre's leg and is gnawing it off!!   
  
{Quatre:} HELP ME!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP ME!! ALL I WANTED WAS FOR TROWA TO NOTICE ME!!! DAMN YOU!!!! DAMN YOU ALL!!   
  
[The Bear pulls Quatre into it's cage. It starts to rip Quatre apart.]  
  
{Quatre:} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!........................................................  
  
{A.C.D:} There you have it..... The japanese have not seen the podium yet...... I was sure they had it in their hands with this one..... Well That is all for this event..... It is quite over... Tune in tomorrow for even more exciting new events...... That's all for now.... I am A Clockwork Devotchka and this is CNN  
  
  



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